dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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