There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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