Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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