Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
