No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
