My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
