TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
