You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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