He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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