Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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