just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
