K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
