I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
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The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
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I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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