So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
