im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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