i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
