so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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