Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
