I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Randomize
