i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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