so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
