dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
