Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
