Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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