Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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