I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
