Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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