He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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