It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
