two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
