I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
