Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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