i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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