Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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