Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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