I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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