In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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