my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I have post one night stand depression
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