do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
