I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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