Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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