i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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