I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
