Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You smell like stripper and shame
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
please don't ironically join a cult
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