My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
