Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
