Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Mom said you looked used
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
