Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
