I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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