she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Someone came in the potted fern
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
