Buhtt sex?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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