I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
