I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
