I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize