i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
