I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
