Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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