if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She bit a glass in half.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
