i jhust puked up my retainher.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
