You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
