I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
