im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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