Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
