they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
