He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
