the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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