Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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