I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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