Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Be still, my beating vagina.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
