i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
