i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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