I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
