Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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