apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
