TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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