for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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