I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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