I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
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